i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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