Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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