I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
