I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
