This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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