i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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