My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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