and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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