i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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