dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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