I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
