You can't special order awesome
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
