your room smells of hookers.
And success
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
