I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
