just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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