drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
