420 ftw
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
