she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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