I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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