whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
