He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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