I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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