What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
