After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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