WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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