now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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