ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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