Got a toothbrush?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
