I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
lets start a swedish sibling band together
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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