I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
