so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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