She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
