Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
