I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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