you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
