forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
