FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
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I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
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My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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