What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
