she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
