okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
