dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
