WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
