I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
