You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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