So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
