I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
