bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
