im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
