I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
