im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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