is your mom at the bar?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
