woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
