i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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