Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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