I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
