Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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