I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
