i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
