Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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