How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
