That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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