we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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