You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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