you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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