He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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