This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Your cock deserves a montage
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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