I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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