Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
